Tantrums are a normal part of raising toddlers, but they can easily turn even the calmest parents into a bundle of nerves. With limited resources when it comes to communicating how they’re feeling, much of the time, our little ones are simply feeling overwhelmed by their strong emotions. In these moments, it’s super important for parents to be equipped to handle these outbursts with understanding, patience, and a clear-mind. Here are my top parenting techniques to manage tantrums in all of their glorious messiness. Let’s get started!

Staying cool, calm and collected

The first step to handling your toddler’s tantrum is to remain calm yourself. Easier said than done, right? It can feel really stressful when an outburst begins, but you don’t have to respond immediately. When your child starts to melt down, take a moment to breathe in deeply, breathe out slowly and repeat. This simple act not only models mindfulness and self–calming for your child but also helps you think more clearly by oxygenating your brain.

By remaining calm, you're modelling for your kids how you want them to behave. So, whether it’s counting to ten, singing a song, or just smiling, find what works for you and stick with it.

Tantrum-taming techniques

Screaming, kicking, crying, or shouting – tantrums come in all shapes and sizes and how you deal with the outburst will depend on how your little one is acting. These are some practical techniques which may fit the bill.

Distract and redirect – Sometimes, the best way to deal with a tantrum is to prevent it from escalating. Try to distract your child with a different toy, book, or a change of environment by moving them to another room. If they’re fixated on something they can’t have, show them what they can do instead.

Give them space – If your child isn’t in immediate danger of hurting themselves or others, sometimes the best response is no response. Let the tantrum run its course while you stay nearby to ensure they’re safe. This shows them that throwing a fit won’t get them what they want.

Or try staying close – For some children, sometimes a “time-in” approach can be more effective than a “time-out.” Stay close, offer comfort, and reassure your toddler that you understand their frustrations. This helps them feel secure and understood.

Validate their emotions – Try a gentle parenting technique where you calmly acknowledge and name the emotion they’re expressing in a low, slow voice. For example, say, “I see you’re very angry because you can’t play with that toy right now.” This helps your child connect their feeling with a word and develop the skills about how to self-manage it so that feeling doesn’t get out of control next time.

Whatever techniques you go with, remember this key point – Don’t. Give. In. If you reward tantrums by giving into their demands, you’re likely to see more of them. Stand your ground gently but firmly.

Managing the aftermath

Once the storm has passed and your toddler has calmed down, it’s time for some positive reinforcement. Give them cuddles and praise for calming down. It’s also a good moment to talk about what happened. Gently help them recognise their feelings by providing reassurance such as, “I know you felt angry when Jack took your toy. Next time, come to me and I’ll help you.”

If you feel a consequence is necessary, ensure it’s age-appropriate and related to their actions. Remember, they’re not throwing tantrums to frustrate or embarrass you – they’re struggling with big emotions and need your help to navigate them.

Game plan ready

At the end of the day, having a game plan can make all the difference. Know how you’re planning to manage a tantrum and be prepared to implement your strategies as soon as you see the warning signs brewing. Remember, you’re doing your best, and that’s what matters most.

So next time your toddler throws themselves on the floor in a fit of rage, take a deep breath, stay calm, and know you’ve got this!

Check out more advice from nib’s resident parenting expert, Nathan Wallis, on the nib website here.